Years ago, while writing an assignment for a class, part of my research was reading a book of essays by cosmologists. I noticed that no women appeared in the book. I wondered, aren’t there women cosmologists? A brief search later, I discovered a treasure trove of women who’d made brilliant contributions. I’ve repeated that search on many occasions in other areas of study/research, and I keep uncovering incredible, powerful women who were basically erased. Often I wonder how my life might have been different had I known these women existed. The work to undo the damage has been long and is ongoing.
At times, it seems like an uphill battle. We are making strides, but it's a slow progression. Getting the message out is how we can break the cycle of oppression - we need to flood the system with lots and lots of the long-ignored information, utilizing all the media we can possibly muster. We need to let people know that women have always been, always could be, always will be, achievers.
I will be 60 this year. My youngest child will be 21. When she was in elementary school I taught her that anyone who tells you who you're allowed to be friends with is not a friend and not trustworthy. I taught her to look for beauty in a person's behavior towards others and themselves, and that kindness saves lives. By the end of middle school, I had to teach her how to mask for her own safety. She had physically matured in ways that made her a target for sexual harassment. She is beautiful, although she has a hard time believing me when I tell her. She grew up being allowed to say "No" and to have boundaries. I did my best to raise her how I would have liked to be raised, in an emotionally and physically safe environment. My being an older parent helped a lot. I was 38 when she was born. When I went through menopause I had an epiphany. I woke up one morning, looked at the world and said "Fuck It!" In the process of raising my daughter, I had raised myself as well. I purged my shoes and my clothes of anything that I didn't love. I started purging my house of anything that didn't feel good. I changed my cooking to suit my needs. I basically centered myself in my life. Rage in action, I like that. When my husband called our marriage certificate "Ownership Papers", I purged him too. I'm not done yet, but I growing wild again.
Funny how painfully shy little girls and women who never speak (or so it seems as we've been taught to pre-censor ourselves)suddenly find their voices when they hit peri-menopause (something that can seem like forever) then we won't shut up! Art history is notorious for overlooking women. I used to think the art world was so liberal. Only for men in the history books. Women can find themselves placed on a pedestal...nude. it's like, after you've survived the hot flashes ... What's left to be afraid of?
This has been my experience as well. Perimenopause combined with having just had my sixth (and last) child. I am no longer keeping quiet about anything I think is important to say.
Love this. It’s like a manifesto and reflects so much of what I’ve been thinking and journaling and now writing a memoir about. The conflict, as Edith Wharton said, between “being” what we are expected to be and “doing” what what makes us happy. I’m coming from the other side of menopause, but the rage still burns — hopefully, I’m putting it to use.
YES!! The first woman in history who rocked my world was Elizabeth Blackwell, first medically trained woman doctor in the US. I still have the paperback my mom bought through the school book club in the 4th grade I think. I just took it out to read again the other day ❤️
"They don’t tell us because then we might find ourselves some of that useful rage. The kind that makes us care more about truth than the pretty, skinny shells the boys seem to like so much." Yes!!!!
So good! I have one daughter that is outspoken and angry, and one trying on "pretty and skinny" and also being angry. It's wonderful to see their brilliance and testing of boundaries. I believe they will be so much further than I will....and they will EAT! I never ate and I'm paying for it now in Perimenopause....my body is confused and doesn't know where it should land.
I'm raising a pretty skinny girl. I'm torn because I want her to enjoy the confidence of a pretty girl but I don't know how to impart that her value isn't in that. Ugh. The struggle of trying to raise a whole human without the negative stuff I was given! I don't have the right approach or know what to teach. It's a big responsibility.
I’m right there with you. I’m raising 2 girls. I think it’s okay and even good to make them feel pretty and strong but I try to also really focus on their humor and smarts. In high school I was 5’8” and a size 2. It’s all anyone remarked on. I wish someone would have seen my searing wit 😂
Thank you, I'm going use the insights offered, honor all her other attributes, and be sure she understands her beauty or size isn't the only value she has. It's not!
Your writing isn’t just important to women, but boys and men. They need to read the stories of strong women and understand how they man blindly perpetuate our oppression. I will be forwarding this to my male partner for his reflection(which he will take, I’m a lucky one). I’m also about to birth a son. My strongest contemplation on raising a son is how much influence he can have in this world if he learns to empower women and others who are marginalized.
As a mother to a young daughter, these lines really spoke to me: "I've found the most profound feminine rage in this realization. Useful rage. The kind that breaks cycles and raises fierce human beings." I so want this for my daughter, her cousins, and her peers.
I like your writing. Before we knew you existed, my writing partner and I started a podcast, Badass Women of America...(They didn't ask permission to make History) I swear you and she are parallel in thought. I'm glad I found you. How much better the world would be if we all went back to a matriarchal society. If we grabbed the baton and passed it on. Well done, young lady!
Years ago, while writing an assignment for a class, part of my research was reading a book of essays by cosmologists. I noticed that no women appeared in the book. I wondered, aren’t there women cosmologists? A brief search later, I discovered a treasure trove of women who’d made brilliant contributions. I’ve repeated that search on many occasions in other areas of study/research, and I keep uncovering incredible, powerful women who were basically erased. Often I wonder how my life might have been different had I known these women existed. The work to undo the damage has been long and is ongoing.
At times, it seems like an uphill battle. We are making strides, but it's a slow progression. Getting the message out is how we can break the cycle of oppression - we need to flood the system with lots and lots of the long-ignored information, utilizing all the media we can possibly muster. We need to let people know that women have always been, always could be, always will be, achievers.
I will be 60 this year. My youngest child will be 21. When she was in elementary school I taught her that anyone who tells you who you're allowed to be friends with is not a friend and not trustworthy. I taught her to look for beauty in a person's behavior towards others and themselves, and that kindness saves lives. By the end of middle school, I had to teach her how to mask for her own safety. She had physically matured in ways that made her a target for sexual harassment. She is beautiful, although she has a hard time believing me when I tell her. She grew up being allowed to say "No" and to have boundaries. I did my best to raise her how I would have liked to be raised, in an emotionally and physically safe environment. My being an older parent helped a lot. I was 38 when she was born. When I went through menopause I had an epiphany. I woke up one morning, looked at the world and said "Fuck It!" In the process of raising my daughter, I had raised myself as well. I purged my shoes and my clothes of anything that I didn't love. I started purging my house of anything that didn't feel good. I changed my cooking to suit my needs. I basically centered myself in my life. Rage in action, I like that. When my husband called our marriage certificate "Ownership Papers", I purged him too. I'm not done yet, but I growing wild again.
This is so powerful. I really resonate with this: “In the process of raising my daughter, I had raised myself as well.”
I enjoy your writing. This former young pretty skinny girl is looking forward to reading more.
Thank you 😊
100% yes. 💪🏼
Look forward to decades of useful rage even after perimenopause. Menopause only turns up the heat.
Love it 🔥
Funny how painfully shy little girls and women who never speak (or so it seems as we've been taught to pre-censor ourselves)suddenly find their voices when they hit peri-menopause (something that can seem like forever) then we won't shut up! Art history is notorious for overlooking women. I used to think the art world was so liberal. Only for men in the history books. Women can find themselves placed on a pedestal...nude. it's like, after you've survived the hot flashes ... What's left to be afraid of?
This has been my experience as well. Perimenopause combined with having just had my sixth (and last) child. I am no longer keeping quiet about anything I think is important to say.
Well said! I just went through menopause and damn if I don’t feel free for the first time in my life!
Yes! Here’s to a new world of women who know their power 🙌🏻
I like this....
I'm 71 and way post menopausal.
Emma Goldman did it for me in the late 70s. I went down the rabbit hole of radical women and stayed up too late.
Happy to have found you.
Love this. It’s like a manifesto and reflects so much of what I’ve been thinking and journaling and now writing a memoir about. The conflict, as Edith Wharton said, between “being” what we are expected to be and “doing” what what makes us happy. I’m coming from the other side of menopause, but the rage still burns — hopefully, I’m putting it to use.
YES!! The first woman in history who rocked my world was Elizabeth Blackwell, first medically trained woman doctor in the US. I still have the paperback my mom bought through the school book club in the 4th grade I think. I just took it out to read again the other day ❤️
Mine was Emma Goldman...
"They don’t tell us because then we might find ourselves some of that useful rage. The kind that makes us care more about truth than the pretty, skinny shells the boys seem to like so much." Yes!!!!
🙌🏻🙌🏻
So good! I have one daughter that is outspoken and angry, and one trying on "pretty and skinny" and also being angry. It's wonderful to see their brilliance and testing of boundaries. I believe they will be so much further than I will....and they will EAT! I never ate and I'm paying for it now in Perimenopause....my body is confused and doesn't know where it should land.
It’s a rough road this perimenopause ride.
I'm raising a pretty skinny girl. I'm torn because I want her to enjoy the confidence of a pretty girl but I don't know how to impart that her value isn't in that. Ugh. The struggle of trying to raise a whole human without the negative stuff I was given! I don't have the right approach or know what to teach. It's a big responsibility.
I’m right there with you. I’m raising 2 girls. I think it’s okay and even good to make them feel pretty and strong but I try to also really focus on their humor and smarts. In high school I was 5’8” and a size 2. It’s all anyone remarked on. I wish someone would have seen my searing wit 😂
Thank you, I'm going use the insights offered, honor all her other attributes, and be sure she understands her beauty or size isn't the only value she has. It's not!
Your writing isn’t just important to women, but boys and men. They need to read the stories of strong women and understand how they man blindly perpetuate our oppression. I will be forwarding this to my male partner for his reflection(which he will take, I’m a lucky one). I’m also about to birth a son. My strongest contemplation on raising a son is how much influence he can have in this world if he learns to empower women and others who are marginalized.
Thank you, Jessica! I’ve had several men write to me about this article. I’m hopeful things are changing 🫶🏻
Yes! Exactly right, Jessica.
As a mother to a young daughter, these lines really spoke to me: "I've found the most profound feminine rage in this realization. Useful rage. The kind that breaks cycles and raises fierce human beings." I so want this for my daughter, her cousins, and her peers.
This means so much to me. Thank you.
I like your writing. Before we knew you existed, my writing partner and I started a podcast, Badass Women of America...(They didn't ask permission to make History) I swear you and she are parallel in thought. I'm glad I found you. How much better the world would be if we all went back to a matriarchal society. If we grabbed the baton and passed it on. Well done, young lady!
Yesssss🔥🔥🔥🔥