Why I Said Goodbye to 30k Followers

And how it brought me here

Photo by Kyle Glenn on Unsplash

In 2022, I was a multi-published author with a small press, hustling for exposure. I attended every in-person and online event I could, dumped money into marketing and conferences, pitched agents and publishers, all while racking up hundreds and hundreds of rejections. Social media became a promising beast—another avenue for my hustle.

And boy did I use it.

I’m convinced many of us invest endless hours in social media content because it’s one of the few places we have control. Because querying agents and submitting to publishers CERTAINLY isn’t it.

I was going to build my platform, go viral, grab readers, and PROVE to the gatekeepers I was someone who deserved this shot. Nothing was going to stop me from reaching that goal.

NOTHING.

Maybe it’s the childhood trauma, but I never feel more alive than with the notion of proving people wrong. My long game lasts years, people.

I did go viral. Frequently. My videos on Badass Women in History led me to thousands of followers, endless comments and shares, and yes, even an increase in book sales. I even had a journalist do a writeup on one of my videos which was shared across socials by people like George Takei.

You know what else this notoriety gave me? Anxiety.

Okay, I already had that, but it handed me a new level of panic I hadn’t felt before. As Dorothy Parker said, “This wasn’t just plain terrible. This was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it.”

I didn’t enjoy doing those videos. They took endless hours and research, not to mention the pressure I felt to look camera ready. And then, after posting, I’d grit my teeth and prepare for the onslaught of horrible comments. Misogynists got big mad that I challenged the narrative of the famous, lone wolf, magnificent men they admired. From issues with how I spoke to the crazy look in my eyes (yes, that was a real comment), I was putting myself out for scrutiny of the lowest kind.

I’m an author, bro. I write alone in my pajamas with a messy bun. I don’t want to be the face of anything.

But the viral videos. Other authors asked me how I did it. I gave presentations and wrote for Jane Friedman on how to succeed on social media. I was so lucky that the algorithm liked my content. I was making it happen!

Agents were interested in my online presence. Along with full requests, they began asking for marketing plans and platform sizes. Surely this would help me snag those big author dreams. It would all be worth it to see my years-long struggle pay off.

You guessed it: it didn’t help at all.

I was lost.

Photo by Oscar Keys on Unsplash

After the 2024 election, we knew things had to change in our lives. We curtailed our spending. We cancelled every subscription. I shopped local and cancelled Amazon Prime. I was no longer willing to accept ease to fund billionaires.

Space opened up in my mind. It felt good to pull away from the capitalist nightmare we’ve created.

I took a hard look at my author career. I spoke in a previous post about letting go of my need for approval. Now I had to put it to the test.

First thing to go was Facebook. Easy. I’ve never liked Facebook. It’s mostly clickbait articles and curated “look how fun my life is” lies. Not to mention all the people from my conservative hometown leaving snarky comments on my liberal posts.

What’s next? Well, then TikTok shut down for a whopping 24 hours and returned with a manipulative pop-up. A fucking publicity stunt? I shut down my page with 28k followers without even a blink of hesitation.

Here’s the thing. When I looked at book sales, I saw spikes with viral videos. But those jumps were for a day or two and didn’t get me any closer to my goals, all the while being subjected to online bullying, abuse, and threats. My followers rarely subscribed to my newsletter. They weren’t my avid readers.

I kept a few social media apps because 1. I’m a paid creator and book marketing isn’t going to pay for itself. 2. I enjoy Instagram (though it hates me) and I keep a running chat with my favorite author friends. I call Instagram my mean girl. I come back again and again trying to make her happy but she side-eyes me and calls me cringe, then she buries my videos with a maniacal laugh.

I stay, but I don’t expect either of those sites to help me sell books.

So, what happened when I let go?

I stopped crying as much. I remember sitting at a bar last year with my husband bawling over the hate I had gotten on Threads that day. Over something as benign as changing up my nightly sweet snack with a handful of fruit. Apparently, I was pushing “Dr. Oz-level sugar hysteria” and I deserved to be humiliated and mocked off the internet. That was during the man/bear debate on social, and I got caught up in a side of Threads I hope to never find again.

I found headspace I had long forgotten. I used to spend hours scrolling for content ideas, creating content, checking my stats, blocking trolls. Ugh. Just remembering that makes my eye twitch. All of a sudden, life felt quiet. I wasn’t running on adrenaline all the time. I had more time to daydream and ponder. I jumped off the ride and noticed shapes in the clouds.

Fuck me. I could breathe again.

That’s where Substack came in. I could write. Build my platform with ideas instead of videos. Focused interactions instead of a blast into a spotlight which begged for abuse. Sure, I’m starting from zero, but I get to build this my way.

I’m not here for popularity. I’m here to write about women’s history. I write the kind of books agents and publishers have had a hard time seeing as “marketable.”

I will never understand how they don’t see badass women erased by history as the opportunity it is. Women are hungry for powerful stories. We want to highlight the incredible things accomplished.

We don’t want to be erased.

This is the messiest, busiest year of my life, as I’ll be publishing three books in the next eleven months with two separate publishers. I’ve started this Substack which includes short stories and fiction pieces (for paid subscribers) along with articles on women’s history for everyone to enjoy. All while working a full-time job in healthcare and raising two awesome little maniacs.

Despite all that, I’ve found myself with more energy than I’ve felt in years.

Lean into what you love, and the rest will manage itself.

If you’ve been thinking about cutting back on social media, let me leave you with this. Some of my most successful author friends are rarely on their chosen 1 or 2 platforms… if at all. The ones who spend much of their time making content do so because they enjoy it, and that sometimes leads to sales.

Take care of yourself first. Make the hard choices. You’ll find that taking the power back is the single best thing you can do for your career. Whether you love social or hate it, make the decision for you and no one else. I may not have reached the top of the mountain like I thought I would, but I’ve found another path up and the view is a hell of a lot prettier.

Stay badass.